I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)
This is the “Gestalt Prayer” stated by Fritz Perls and it is often argued as statement of independence in a persons social life.
We humans are all actively, changing organized phenomenons… or “gestalts“.
We, individually are in a fluid state of both independence and interdependence with our physical surroundings and people in our lives.
Thus the Gestalt prayer is philosophical statement of self- autonomy in ones personal relationships.
I have my own needs and goals to live up to… and not the expectations imposed on me by others, or the expectations I think others have of me.
Just the same, other people do not live their lives to meet my expectations.
I have never like the “Gestalt Prayer” as philosophy. We are in fact expected to meet commitments we make. We make commitments to take care of children or family members. Our Governments have expectations of us that we must meet. So this “prayer” is a bit misleading or a bit to rigid.
However, our own self expectations and living to our own needs are most important.
So its good to say the Gestalt prayer out loud , every so often….Just to remind of us of our self autonomy.
The prayer has always been a favorite. Despite F. Perl’s arrogance I have never believed that the prayer was intended to avoid or deny our commitments to others. Contact was a mighty important concept to F. Perls and he tried hard to sweep away all the garbage in our daily interactions with others. When I’m in trouble with another. i.e., attempting to control or avoid being controlled I find the prayer very helpful.
Peggy
I have heard and read a lot of opinions of Fritz Perls personality and personal relationships.
Fritz Perls would not be so controversial if he did not have brought great ideas as exploring “Contact”, which is where most gestalt therapy takes place.
The “Gestalt prayer” is best remembered, (or recited), when I am attempting to control or avoiding being controlled…
or giving up some control of myself to others, as well.
Thanks for your input, Peggy.
I met him i Topanga, the santa monic mountain eselon site. I was with a friend whom he had met before and his approach was questionable at best. he greeted her with delight, smiles and both hands cupped over her breasts. Whe knew enugh to laugh, but I really wondered about all this.
I read In Amd Out of the Garbage Pail, simply attracted by the title and then waded through gestalt therapy.
I like his ideas and in fact use one in particular. Amontra, not the prayer but a way to aanalyse parts of me it goes like this.
dreaming of a train going bye at night whistleing at crossings I would say t myself “If I were that train I would be . . .
powerful, strong and careful to warn of my approaching danger to others at crossings or meetings. In other words I am strong and open but must treat others with considerations. Now that isn’t like the prayer is it although I like it too.
Thanks for sharing claire.
for me,
if their was one idea that fritz Perls to Gestalt Therapy that I found most useful, it is the “Open Chair”… I use it in journaling and writing.