april is the cruelist month.
April 2, 2008 13 Comments
Seven years ago this month, my body and mind went through traumatic period. i had apparently been in a deep winter depression. Through April 2001, my mood elevated so fast i went into complete psychosis. I had no idea what was happening to me and my ability to think rationally vanished faster than anyone could fathom.
By the end of April 2001 I had lost my retirement and savings fund, my apartment, my friends, My girlfriend, my pets, my freedoms, my dignity and the ability to control my thinking or behaving.
By the end of April 2001, A young bright and respected young man was locked down in the psychiatric cell of a prison, talking to his lizard- man – hallucinations.
Boy that seems like i life time ago. But today April is still a month that i spend extra attention to… my health management that is.
I manage Bipolar disorder, and like many others with this “serious mental illness”, April is a bumpy month.
In fact April is a peculiar month for Mental Health in general… It is Statistically the highest month for attempted suicides and successful suicides.
All though i feel fine, and am enjoying the nice weather right now I am filling out a mood chart. (((more on mood charts on my next post)).
The biggest thing i am really paying attention to is my sleep. I already have a regular 7 hour a nite sleep pattern.
years past i would have had serious problems falling a sleep. ( i should point out that loss of sleep can force my mood into hypomania.)
Breathing exercises and meditation practices have been a huge plus today in helping me fall asleep at night when i need to.
I am able to relax my mind and body, let go of my thinking mind that keeps me awake… and stay sane a bit longer (hehe).
At night i close my eyes and do a breathing exercise. if my mind is really starting to race I journal/meditate to let whats on my mind…out of my mind. and get some sleep.
I cannot do the atheletic exercises i use too. but physical yoga, balance exercises integrated with meditation are a huge help.
“April is the Cruelest Month,/breeding Liliacs out of the Dead land...”
said T.S Eliot in the opening of “The Wasteland“…
Well not anymore, for me.. I learned to love life in the early spring, April showers, April Bumps…or not.
I am looking forward to a Pennsylvania spring.