Fearing zero, with dizziness

Meditation is a journey. A path Inward, where one discovers more about the inner landscapes.
Occasionally zazen is stormy, my body and thoughts feel restless. Sometimes its just a quiet sit.
Often though, (especially if I am meditating outdoors) I reach a consciousness where there are no thoughts, no sense of time, the differentiation between smell, sight and sound, seems to lessen and lessen…

And suddenly I will quick ping of fear. The total loss of self consciousness is terrifying. Just for a couple seconds.
Through the journey of my inner landscape, I learn that I do not like the loss of control. That sensations of the outside world come in during meditation, and i fear it. I fear sensing the landscape without without my thinking- minds attempt to interpret and label what I sense.
Time: “shit! how long have I been sitting here!”

and I realize “its just control… my fear of not being in control“.a couple seconds
And then I am just being with this Anxiety— a sense that swirls other sensations
it passes and meditation and journey continues.

“Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom” — Soren Kierkegaard
Meditation is sometimes dizziness.

An unedited picture of the sky from my backyard.



About chris
I write because I'm not good at it. I share because, writing without sharing seems empty. Thus, I write and share what I think is meaningful.

4 Responses to Fearing zero, with dizziness

  1. Derek says:

    Yes, the only thing to “fear” is “fear”. Of course this is an illusion, so really it is non-existent. Thanks for dropping my blog. Stay mindful – we lose Self to find Self – so they say :-)

  2. shoreacres says:

    Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom” — Soren Kierkegaard

    i’ve never run across that quotation before. Very, very good. Thanks for including it.

  3. chris says:

    This is one of my Favorite quotes.

    A wordpress.com blogger has a blog of daily Kierkegaard quotes:

    very nice.

    Thanks for stopping by shore acres.

  4. chris says:

    Reblogged this on Pennsylvania Echoes and commented:

    its just control

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: