learning to relax

if there is anything i have learned better: its how to relax and become patient with my emotions.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder 7 years ago. The anniversary of my first (of two) hospitalizations is coming up soon.*..

Long ago, if i was anxious or irritated my mind or body would race.  I would become more and more stressed. getting irrational, then feeling guity about it.
Today its a matter of catching myself. realizing  that i am feeling stressed, irritated, or that i am racing. I’ve learned to trust that i can slow things down, with breathing. … being patient with my emotions and not fighting them….
I while back I was suffering from panic attacks. I tried my best to prevent them.
It was the preventing them… that was making them worse.
What i was really doing was becoming afraid of panic attacks.
In fact i did this with a lot of my emotions…
Anger, Sadness, Mournfulness, Apprehension…
I pushed them down. I guess I perceived them as “negative emotions”
I was fearful of my own emotions. and if they slipped out i felt guilty.
how irrational i was in fighting my own body, my own emotive expressions.
its not still not easy to cry or to allow myself to be annoyed sometimes….
but it has gotten better, I do not fight it as much.
* (this is an old post from around April that i must have never published–This is published now with my Companion Blog:  blogs.healthcare.com/zenpen/ .


About chris
I write because I'm not good at it. I share because, writing without sharing seems empty. Thus, I write and share what I think is meaningful.

4 Responses to learning to relax

  1. Annie says:

    you are so brave and courageous to share this. Speak with friends, you need to be connected without feeling you are being diagnosed for anything.

  2. sulz says:

    repressing to me never has a positive outcome, which is why sometimes i cry at the slightest provocation (sometimes it’s pms, sometimes not). when i feel negative, i blog, and it never fails to make me feel better after publishing. it’s like after you rant to a friend. :)

  3. chris says:

    Thanks Annie,
    I have left behind being Bipolar/ Anxiety Manager per se.
    Today i think of my self as a health and growth manager… however this takes time.

    I have learned its best to let feelings out when they come. However i would look a little silly if i broke in to tears at work.

    I feel better when i write a poem, get the same release as that Rant.

  4. sulz says:

    haha, funny you should say that, i kind of did that at work today! in the bathroom though.

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