Apologies and other hang ups

I guess I still have machismo hang ups …
I grew up believing that if I made a mistake or did something regrettable I would at least offer an apology for my actions.
This is part of being a man or at least that was my interpretation.
The person I apologize to, for example,  may  forgive my actions, he/she may not forgive my action at all,   or  not want to hear from me at all.

But At least, I have always offer my apology when it was sincere.

I recently contacted a couple men who did me wrong, perhaps just made mistakes along time ago. In fact I met with one previously over 15 years ago and offered him a hand shake. and he coward from me in a public place.
We were young then .
Recently I once again offered my hand, give them time and ask for no explanation of past actions. I just wanted hear  “I’m sorry.”

Over the years I have seen some other men shovel issues under the rug, lie,  box people out, play games of manipulation, and create  baggage and bad situations that were not necessary if they just made an honest apology.

Once again I offered my an honest  open dialog to a couple men … but a dialog-of- one is not a dialog at all.
Their is no forgiveness to an un expressed  apology.

So I break lines of communication with them again, until they come to me.
I cannot thrust my expectations onto them.

ApologyAn acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense.. (Webster Dictionary)

More importantly its a communication.
I guess I still have communication hang ups.
or expectation hangups.

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About chris
I write because I'm not good at it. I share because, writing without sharing seems empty. Thus, I write and share what I think is meaningful.

2 Responses to Apologies and other hang ups

  1. timethief says:

    I have had some recent experiences of offering apologies to people when I felt they were in order as I regreted the words I had spoken to give rise to their taking offense. Those who I sincerely apologized to refused to accept the apologies as though they felt there was some value to be gained by holding onto their anger at me. How foolish they were.

    The greatest beneficiary in a situation of forgivenes is the person who does the forgiving. When they make the choice to feel better rather than feeling bitter then they are free of the toxic emotions that are poisoning their inner being with negativity.

    The truth is that when we choose to take offense, we give our power away to the other person and/or situation. And when an apology is offered we are being offered the opportunity to take our power back. Even if no apology is offered and we make the choice to forgive anyway, we are making a self empowering choice.

    I have learned these truths the hard way. I acknowledge that not everyone has had the need to learn the same lessons at the same point in time. However, I did feel that I wanted to share them with you.

    My very best wishes to you in all you do.
    Namaste

    • chris says:

      Paraphasing:

      …The truth is that when we choose to take offense, we give our power away to the other person and/or situation…
      Even if no apology is offered and we make the choice to forgive anyway, we are making a self empowering choice.

      Those are good words.

      giving (or perhaps finding) forgiveness from with-in,
      gives one the power to resolve his/her own the inner conflict.

      Thanks for your comment, Time thief.

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