Fearing zero, with dizziness

its just control

Pennsylvania Echoes

Meditation is a journey. A path Inward, where one discovers more about the inner landscapes.
Occasionally zazen is stormy, my body and thoughts feel restless. Sometimes its just a quiet sit.
..
Often though, (especially if I am meditating outdoors) I reach a consciousness where there are no thoughts, no sense of time, the differentiation between smell, sight and sound, seems to lessen and lessen…

And suddenly I will quick ping of fear. The total loss of self consciousness is terrifying. Just for a couple seconds.
Through the journey of my inner landscape, I learn that I do not like the loss of control. That sensations of the outside world come in during meditation, and i fear it. I fear sensing the landscape without without my thinking- minds attempt to interpret and label what I sense.
Time: “shit! how long have I been sitting here!”

and…

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About chris
I write because I'm not good at it. I share because, writing without sharing seems empty. Thus, I write and share what I think is meaningful.

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