Anger rather than Sad


from the Book of Life

Common tenants of Depression or Major Depressive Episodes

  • Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities, including sex
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Low appetite and weight loss or overeating and weight gain
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
  • Restlessness, irritability
  • Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment

Common tenants of Anxiety―Depression (disorder group GAD)PDF
thanks https://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression/symptoms

What is Disorder?

  • Disorders such as Bipolar disorder, Personality Disorders. or Anxiety Disorders can only be “Diagnosed” by healthcare―professionals or psychologists.
  • One maybe diagnosed with 6 disorders or 1 disorder – this does not mean one is anymore “screwed up” than the other.
  • Disorder is categorized for the purposes of treatment & management between a client, therapist & healthcare―providers.
  • There are legal and professional standards that healthcare―providers in mental-physical health must abide by – that’s what the literature is about: DSM4 DSM5

Gestalt therapy perspective

  • Self awareness not why but:
  • how and when? do ” I feel angry and sad “.
  • Moral- am I judging myself for feeling angry? sad? or tired?
  • How and When do I judge myself.. others environment.
  • Ambivalence: do i feel “conflicting” sensations? ↓Examples:↓
  • thrilled but angry and anxious
  • sad but tuned_in
  • relaxed.. but tight in the legs or chest

contact―boundary memoirs

At a good time (when sad happy or angry etc.)
can I observe between “me” and “not―me” :

  • projection — eg. expressing feeling in drawing or painting ; blaming someone or somthing)
  • Deflection — avoiding both good or bad feeling for another time)
  • confluence — losing sense of self to the outside world, or defending in reaction
  • retroflection — turning ones desires for others (especially with anger) back and substituding ones self) i.e. self blame and self harm
  • Introjection — absorbents in the interactions between “me” and “not―me” without processing (metabolizing)
Anger is part of depression. Anger is part of all of us in daily life.
the good choices we make are in
how to manage are emotions, sensations and Affects so they are not regular intrusions or regularly destructive.
This Management.
This is Anger. This is Depression.
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People are Different: Medication and Mental Disorder

People function and react differently given the same chemical cocktail. One medication can be a wonder drug for consumers of Mental disorder, restoring their ability to function adequately for a long duration of time. Another patient may not respond at all to the same prescribed psychiatric medication. And the next consumer could have serious negative or dangerous effects from the same medical therapy.
People are different.

A funny story about me….

Lithium is a commonly prescribed drug for Bipolar Disorder. It is a relatively cheap, successful and safe mood stabilizer. It’s a naturally found substance – Lithium compounds are  salts. Most consumers who take the drug therapy successfully usually only deal with the side effects of weight gain, mild tremors and dry mouth. Lithium can take up to three months to build up in a consumers system to show full effect.
Unfortunately, for me: I am highly sensitive to the stuff. After a period of build, actually a smaller dosage than normally prescribed for someone of my weight, I began to REALLY feel the effects… the side effects. my eyes came close to swelling shut, throat constantly dry and thick to the wear I had trouble swallowing.
Scream.jpgI remember sitting at a fast food restaurant trying to ingest a meal of soda and fries… the tremors!  my hands and arms shook so violently that I had trouble getting fries in my mouth until I gave up, eyes squinted, and a lethargy that made me look like a  shaky zombie. (definitely not like those cool superfast zombies I see on TV. Now that would have been cool!)
This was still better than being “Manic” (An elevated level of mood and energy that made impossible for me to sit still, or do things like read,watch tv, drive, or even walk for a long period of time.) However, I was not one of the fortunate  who use this drug successfully…. I would not be able to work or enjoy leisure with lithium
The funny part was the drug to almost as long to get out of my system as it took to build up. Those were the early days of my mental wellness management. I joke about how bad I looked out in public at times, and how I was cursed to wait to I pissed the salt out of my system.   Well,I guess you had to be there..

A serious story that is important to know…

I know of a person who says she suffered from major depression for over twenty years.  She was prescribed many medications and therapies over the years, including electroconvulsive therapy  — the latter is often reserved when no other therapies seem to work.   Nothing worked. (She had a physical handicap as well, which further complicated her health woes leading to many stays in the hospital). After twenty years, Someone finally prescribed her a different class of medication than she we would normally be prescribed for severe depression…  Her “Wonder Drug”.. in her words.
It was a mood stabilizer called lithium. She would be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II  soon after.  She told me repeatedly that “Lithium saved her life”. After a few months Her depression cleared, she got back part of her life again. I have not heard from her for along time, but she said was generally  happy when we  last spoke.
Her success , of course, is important, but…

here is another important observation in mental health:

Many people seek treatment for severe depression and are prescribed anti-depressants… only to experience their depression get significantly worse, including suicidal thoughts.
As it seems,  something is  physically different in the manifestation that would correctly be diagnosed as Depression and in the manifestation that would be correctly diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder II. Unipolar (major) depression and bipolar disorder in depression  be appear outwardly  as the same.
But in fact, a therapy of prescribed antidepressants, WITHOUT a mood stabilizer or a like drug can make Bipolar Depression far more severe.
A commonly observed side effect of someone who should receive treatment for Bipolar Disorder, but is only taking Antidepressants is increased mood cycling with with deeper peaks and/or valleys.

A  little more about this subject: “Bipolar Disorder: A Mistaken Diagnosis“.

As it turns out: even Clinical Depression and Bipolar Depression can be physically different, just like results  of  treatment with that commonly prescribed salt.
A treatment that works for one person , may not for the next.  

Perhaps we  just can’t treat all people to the same, after all.

Forgive my pun-word game… its just a segue for my next post on how  my experience with Mental Disorder   matured my philosophical approaches and attitude.

Post-Post

mood-charting-example

mood-charting-example

If one is suffering from depression, inhibiting levels of  anxiousness, or extreme shifts in mood or emotion, enough to seek out professional medical treatment…
Mood Charting can be very advantageous. There is no way to predict completely the outcome of treatment and diagnosis.  But one can improve his chances of avoiding misdiagnosis by tracking his/her own  shifts and patterns in mood, energy level, focus and behaviours.    Getting the correct diagnosis early could certainly improve a consumer’s  chance of getting to a functional, productive  and happier day-to-day life.

Here is one suggested  reason  for   common misdiagnosis of  Bipolar Disorder Depression  for Major Depression:
a patient simply doesn’t recognize the brief  period of  hypomania that they experience. Up moods, with extra energy and alertness  can feel good.  A person doesn’t  normally think or know something is wrong when he/she  feels good.   He/she   fails  to describe or report these hypomanic periods to his doctor.
Tracking moods, focus, anxiety, sleep patterns over a long period of time can help doctors detect the right diagnosis.

Examples of mood charts can be downloaded on the CHARTS  tab above.

 

Mood definition… a disorderly description, Reposted

Reposted
Mood definition … A Disorderly Discription by a Bipolar Disorder Manager..”
was origionally posted on 5-10-2009

 
You wake up one morning.

  • You feel happy,loving, humorous  optimistic.
  • Your confidence and self worth are high.
  • You are motivated.
  • Your body feels healthy and energetic
  • You are  thinking is clear, focused,  positive.
  • You are not concerned witht bad thoughts.
  • Your impulses are strong and up mind/body feel crisp.
  • You  look outside your window and everything appears crisp , bright and colorful.

You are  in a “good mood”or an up mood.

You don’t need all these attributes to be in a “good” or “up” mood, when you wake up. You may be happy and thinking positive, but not feeling energetic…. You might feel very energetic a little confident and optimistic  and not particularly impulsive.
However, these attributes are loosely tied together… or appear commonly together in feelings … and we describe them as “being in a good mood”.
An Up mood.

You wake up one morning,

  • You feel sad, lonely, or pessimistic.
  • Your confidence and self worth low.
  • Your body feels, detached, achy, and slow. Your  thinking is disinterested and unfocused .
  • Your  thoughts are  self defeating..
  • You feel detached.
  • You look outside you window  and everything looks hazy and dull.

You are feeling down or in a down mood.

Just the same as an up mood, not every trait is necessary to “feeling down” or “feeling low”. You may have mildly self defeating thoughts, your body may feel achy and slow, you may feel extremely detached and disinterested…. and may not feel sad at all.
but your mood  is still described as down.

When  your over- all mood is very up… its referred  manicy and when it is really down your mood is depressed.

The word “mood“, much the same as the word “mind” is an abstract description.. It is an organization (or integration) of traits that are otherwise difficult describe. There exists no exact physical or concrete  thing called “mood”.

Even more difficult to describe is a mood disorder diagnosis. a diagnosis, such as “Bipolar disorder , “is made by matching a person’s intrusive traits with criteria in the DSM- IV . A mood disorder is not something you can see with an x-ray such as a spine injury. However, “mood disorder“is description is as real as description as  “mind”… and it is a diagnosis to be taken as serious as any medical diagnosis that is easier to see wit an X-ray or MRI.

For someone  diagnosed with a mood disorder…
These mood traits and the  behaviors linked to them are pushed to further extremes, until they become extremely intrusive in their life.

  • An extreme up mood or “manic mood” for example may lead an individual to have super- high  self esteem in denial of any consequence and lead to reckless behavior.
  • An extreme down mood or “depressed mood”  may have lost all self worth , have intense self defeating thoughts leading them to suicidal behavior.

These is usually a periodic conditions.. but it requires a life time of management.

The exact cause of Bipolar disorder and other mood disorders is not entirely understood yet. Western medicine and scientific evidence strongly supports that  they are biological, in origin.

From a Holistic point of view… we may say that the body, mind, mood, behavior, interaction with people and environment, all are components that act in an integrated fashion as whole of us.
When I, consumer who  manages Bipolar disorder , has these mood traits that are very intrusive at a given time, the mood distortions can throw all  integrated parts of me  off. In periods when this happen  I am described as being “symptomatic“… the symptoms being the intrusions. Each  consumer who manages a mood disorder has a unique  set of symptoms.

Sound complicated? no real concrete definitions?
Defining “Mood, “mood disorder and Bipolar disorder… just a simple component to be integrated with the whole of “Living with Bipolar Disorder”.

There  is  wisdom to be  gained:. Our perception of reality and our perceived personality  are all determined by all the components of us in an integrated fashion.
Just as my choice words to describe “mood”.
 
 

Thanks for re-reading my post and thanks if you are reading it for the first time.
please take a look at the list of posts in “Maslows Toolbox” on the left hand column:
a collection of posts and tags that I hope are helpful for mental health – wellness tool building.

 

S.A.D. Seasons change and so doth mood.(revised)

grasping-the-sun (This  post is a revised repost about S.A.D.)
‘Twas a dark and stormy Autumn   night”… as I  write from Pennsylvania.
the daylight lessens each day as we head towards Winter. I like Autumn, but many others I know, Diagnosed with Mood disorder or Bipolar disorder often slide towards depression, fatigue or low energy at this time of year.

In fact many people with no mental health diagnosis will start to feel depressed, extremely fatigued, or sleep excessively in the Fall and Winter.

For those with extreme intrusive symptoms  a diagnosis of  S.A.D…
or Seasonal Affective Disorder may be made by a health care professional.
Read more of this post

Checking in on Depression and wellness

I don’t always want to know I am depressed.
I’ll deny it even when I feel miserable.

If I admit it to myself, I have to deal with, the hard to shake notion that” my occasional depression is a weakness of mine”.

If I admit it to others I have to deal with that, that hard to shake notion, that “my depression is a weakness’.

Or I have to deal with other people trying to fix me, or worrying, or giving me there advice on how to cheer up today.

my being depressed…. is scary.
It is the nature of those like me who manage bipolar disorder to deny our unstable moods from time to time.

But this morning, after taking a walk I realized I am feeling depressed.
Because it is difficult to tell how my bipolar disorder affected mood is sometimes, I have a series of personalized tricks to see how I am thinking.

Checking in.

“checking in” is a couple personalized tricks to catch how my mental wellness is at the present moment… at any moment.

1. social checking

I  goto  a convenience store at least once a day, to by what ever.
My normal personality is to have a short polite conversation with the cashier.
When I leave  the convenience store, I ask myself ,

  • did I make  eye contact with the clerk?
  • did I have my normal comfortable chit -chat?

If I  answer “no” to these two question I know I maybe becoming withdrawn…
when I am withdrawn I know that my awareness of my inner world of restless thinking is greater than being tuned in with my outside world.

Today  I made i contact and conversation, but I felt a bit uncomfortable.

2. Check in with my core.

  • I check my head
    do my thoughts seem to be swirling around,
    are my thoughts consuming, hazy,
    or taking the place of my outside perception?
  • I check my  breathing…
    am I breathing from naturally from my belly or from my chest?
    Is my breathing spontaneous and fluid or does it seem choppy?

If  my thinking is “loud” and restless and my breathing choppy like today….
than I meditate, do a breathing exercise…. and assess how my mood is
When I know I am becoming withdrawn, I make interaction with others, or outside when i can.

today I am depressed….
I did some writing (journaling), resting, meditating (which is brutal when my thinking and breath are jumping around to begin with)

I affirm myself on my strength and values and acknowledge my limits and fears.

And now I am going to watch the football game on TV.

I maybe depressed tomorrow, or I may have taken enough steps to pull my mood back to stable.
and some days one just let depression run its course.

wellness management is not an exact science.
but I am aware of my health, and taking care of my health.

Seasons change and so doth mood.

grasping-the-sun ‘Twas a dark and stormy night Autumn night”… as I  write from Pennsylvania.
the daylight lessens each day as we head towards winter.

I like Autumn, but many others I know, Diagnosed with Mood disorder or Bipolar disorder often slide towards depression, fatigue or low energy at this time of year.

In fact many people with no mental health diagnosis will start to feel depressed, extremely fatigued, or sleep excessively in the Fall and Winter.

For those with extreme intrusive symptoms  a diagnosis of  SAD…
or Seasonal Affective Disorder may be made by a health care professional.

It is believed by many doctors that:   mood and energy levels are dramatically change  with sensitivity to season (also including S.A.D and seasonal depression)  are caused by a disruption bodily hormone cycle.
too much melatonin created in the brain, seems to be the biggest factor .

treatments for seasonal depression, S.A.D.

1. Let there be light Light!

  • there is less natural light in  Autumn and winter (in fact this is believed to be the major trigger of  S.A.D and the like)….
  • use increase light indoors: using brighter bulbs and or more lamps.
  • get as much natural light outdoors as possible.  Sun light is the best treatment.
  • many find it most important to get a lot of light in the morning to start the day (artificial or natural).

2. Let there be Blue light!

  • Sunlight is the most important treatment for SAD.   getting as much as possible….
  • many have found that  soft blue light bulbs, for no more than twenty minutes twice a day help with fatigue and SAD. Note: that too much direct blue light can be harmful to eyes.

3. Exercise.

a regular routine of light exercise in the morning.
walking, jogging or exercise outdoors is ideal since it is more time in natural light.

4. the doctor.

doctors can prescribe treatment  such as light therapy or medication, if necessarily.

I ..myself… am very sensitive to temperature. When the temperature drops I tend to sleep longer, and my entire body including my thinking  slows down.
So I start my morning with a long hot bath or shower, and dress to stay very warm.
So I’d advise others who are also sensitive to seasonal factors to think the same way.
Our interaction with our environment, including light and climate temperature, are integral  parts of us we must factor in or wellness.!

Mood definition… a disorderly description by a bipolar disorder manager

You wake up one morning.

  • you feel happy,loving, humorous  optimistic.
  • Your confidence and self worth are high.
  • You are motivated.
  • Your body feels healthy and energetic
  • You are  thinking is clear, focused,  positive.
  • You are not concerned witht bad thoughts.
  • Your impulses are strong and up mind/body feel crisp.
  • You  look outside your window and everything appears crisp , bright and colorful.

You are  in a “good mood”or an up mood.

You don’t need all these attributes to be in a “good” or “up” mood, when you wake up. You may be happy and thinking positive, but not feeling energetic…. You might feel very energetic a little confident and optimistic  and not particularly impulsive.
However, these attributes are loosely tied together… or appear commonly together in feelings … and we describe them as “being in a good mood”.
An Up mood.

You wake up one morning,

  • You feel sad, lonely, or pessimistic.
  • Your confidence and self worth low.
  • Your body feels, detached, achy, and slow. Your  thinking is disinterested and unfocused .
  • Your  thoughts are  self defeating..
  • You feel detached.
  • You look outside you window  and everything looks hazy and dull.

You are feeling down or in a down mood.

Just the same as an up mood, not every trait is necessary to “feeling down” or “feeling low”. You may have mildly self defeating thoughts, your body may feel achy and slow, you may feel extremely detached and disinterested…. and may not feel sad at all.
but your mood  is still described as down.

When  your over- all mood is very up… its referred  manicy and when it is really down your mood is depressed.

The word “mood“, much the same as the word “mind” is an abstract description.. It is an organization (or integration) of traits that are otherwise difficult describe. their no exact physical or concrete  thing called “mood”.

Even more difficult to describe is a mood disorder diagnosis. a diagnosis, such as “Bipolar disorder , “is made by matching a person’s intrusive traits with criteria in the DSM- IV . A mood disorder is not something you can see with an x-ray such as a spine injury. However, “mood disorder“is description is as real as description as  “mind”… and it is a diagnosis to be taken as serious as any medical diagnosis that is easier to see wit an X-ray or MRI.

For someone  diagnosed with a mood disorder…
These mood traits and the  behaviors linked to them are pushed to further extremes, until they become extremely intrusive in their life.

  • An extreme up mood or “manic mood” for example may lead an individual to have super- high  self esteem in denial of any consequence and lead to reckless behavior.
  • An extreme down mood or “depressed mood”  may have lost all self worth , have intense self defeating thoughts leading them to suicidal behavior.

These is usually a periodic conditions.. but it requires a life time of management.

The exact cause of Bipolar disorder and other mood disorders is not entirely understood yet. Western medicine and scientific evidence strongly supports that  they are biological, in origin.

From a Holistic point of view… we may say that the body, mind, mood, behavior, interaction with people and environment, all are components that act in an integrated fashion as whole of us.
When I, consumer who  manages Bipolar disorder , has these mood traits that are very intrusive at a given time, the mood distortions can throw all  integrated parts of me  off. In periods when this happen  I am described as being “symptomatic“… the symptoms being the intrusions. Each  consumer who manages a mood disorder has a unique  set of symptoms.

Sound complicated? no real concrete definitions?
Defining “Mood, “mood disorder and Bipolar disorder… just a simple component to integrated with the whole of “Living with Bipolar Disorder”.

There  is  wisdom to be  gained:. Our perception of reality and our perceived personality  are all determined by the all the components of us in an integrated fashion.
Just as my choice words to describe “mood”.