Some Definitons for Mental Wellness: Mindfulness and Delvopment

Just in time for the New Year. I thought I would share some of the ‘emotional grammar terms and their  respective definitions as I came across them in reading, recently:
These pertain to life long development, are in the opinion of various writers and by no means is this list of definitions exhaustive.
Just some definitions to be mindful of in the  Up coming New Year for me:

Dignity -a sense of self value and worth and the expectation of respect and ethical treatment from others.

Self – Confidence – A sense of control and mastery of ones:
body/mind/behavior, in and interacting with ones ‘world’. A sense that one more likely to succeed than not, while undertaking tasks.

Intentionality – the wish, will and capacity to have impact, and to act upon that impact with perseverance.
Related to sense of competence and (perhaps developing sense of purpose and meaning.)

Self control – the ability to modulate and control ones actions in appropriate way [that meets situation]. related to developing social conduct and (perhaps developing self regulation.)
A sense of inner control.

Relatedness – the ability to engage others, based on being understood by; and understanding of, others. Developing sense of empathy and expressing emotion.

Assertiveness – stating concerns, values and feelings without anger, anxiety or passivity.

Mental Metabolism (gestalt theory thinking) – the developing ability to discover, consider , test, and compare: new ideas, actions, values, relationships in small ‘bites’, and to judge if they be rejected or assimilated.

Curiosity – the sense that finding out about objects, subjects, how things works: is positive and leads to pleasure.

Capacity to Communicate: the wish and ability to communicate: ideas; concepts to others.
related to a sense of “trusting”.

Cooperativeness – the development of ability to balance ones own needs with other’s needs in a group.

I’ll be thinking of these terms  . plus I added a couple extra definitions of ole’ terms  I often use at this blog:

Gestalt -.A whole, form, or configuration. …[ Simkin 1973] … an integration of members of a whole , as contrasted with a Sum total of parts.

Existential – pertaining to a subjects, (eg. person, group, organism, etc.) own existence (eg. participation in life, being, etc.) . some also include pertaining to the purpose or meaning of a subjects existence.

Experiential –  pertaining to a subjects copacity, ability and mindfulness of learning by first hand experience.

As I look at the terms,  in particular the last couple here, I realise I never attempt to be a “intellectual” in using them. Rather I always wish to be  a clear communicator…
…and better communicator.

Have a happy New Years.

How Are You Feeling?

How Are you Feeling? (left)A  greeting sent to me by a good friend sometime ago.
I have often ask  “How are you feeling”  to the people I care about….
forgetting that it is a question that sometimes makes people feel surprised or taken a back.

Why is it so difficult to say how we  feel, simply?

Are we conditioned to hide are feelings from one and other, to “Keep Are Guard up”? is it really a “weakness” to say how one feels?
Or is it a weakness in our childhood and adolescence education that we are never taught to express our feelings in simple words.

in all my schooling,  including Geometry to Calculus, History to Civics, literature and Grammar… all to make me better…
I never had a class in Emotional Literacy or Emotional Grammar.

With the amount of school kids who lash out or develop emotional problems at school age…. wouldn’t make sense to have short course on being able to express feelings in words?

I feel excited, brotherly, and confident  because I am posting   Feeling Words

I AM FEELING ________

First  Simple Feeling words:
.

afraid curious happy mad
sad conflicted disconnected tuned in
pleasureful sore ( pain) healthy ill
alert tired confident unsure
empty peaceful aroused overwhelmed

.

When I say “I”  I mean the  whole of me.
Feelings Happen in our  Mind /Body / outside -world -Interaction
when I say “feel” it is the sensations   in my feet to my chest to my face; my awareness; my thinking my perception.
My Feelings are mine to feel.

Some feelings are more bodily and simple.
I feel  exhausted… I feel panicky…I feel hungry…I feel ticklish..

Some are more complex and connected to thinking…
e.g. “I feel cheated…I feel stigmatized…I feel old fashioned”.

Some feelings more about our outside needs…
e.g. “I feel lonely…, I feel sociable… I feel irresistibly curious

Conflicting Feelings

Feelings often over-layer to others in a moment, and expressing emotional literacy  can reveal the depth, especially in  choice making.
example I feel:
conflicted“, “torn“, ” choice- less”, “ambivalent“,” pulled apart”
because…
one part of me feels_________ ( because, I think…
and another  part of me feels_________ (because I think…..

Categorizing emotion for Personal Therapies

I think being able to express emotional literacy in writing or speech, is very helpful in becoming aware of feelings in gradients, before they become explosive. Emotional grammar can help with Anger management or emotional management.

1 bothered 1 busy
2 annoyed 2 stressed
3 angry 3 pressured
4 furious 4 overloaded
5 explosive 5 overwhelmed

Although each feeling is unique, it would be advantageous to become aware of the feeling of “annoyed”  or “stressed” before becoming aware of  “explosive” or “overwhelmed” , in the case of anger management or emotional management.

In my opinion, feelings or emotions are not to be rigidly categorized. but we may detect relationships such as  “feeling annoyed ” to “feeling furious“.
But all this Emotional grammar is about  our awareness.
I have often seen web pages that, try to categorize emotions in some sort of “should be” model… all the “Happy” Emotions belong together… “Negative” Emotions, “Anxiety” Emotions
categorizing feeling words is to fit a particular need.
If I were a suicide hot line worker, for example… I might be listening for pre categorized “negative” feeling words or feelings loosely attributed to Depression  from a caller because, it fits the situation.

Often enough though,  One can feel:
irritable and aroused;  sociable and anxious; happy and guilty
at the same time. loosely categorizing feelings, In my opinion, is for the purpose of suiting ones personal therapeutic needs.

A long list of feeling words can be found at:
http://eqi.org/fw.htm

Reasoning.

I am an  interaction.
my body/ my inner world of thought and memories/my outside world.

  • How I interpret “Facts” (what I believe, know, perceive)  affects how I Feel.
  • How I Feel affects how I interpret “Facts”.

example statement…
“I feel overloaded because, I think I have alot of work that I must complete today.”
I Feel Worthless because, I think I didn’t complete as much work as I should have.”

from a cognitive- rational point of  view:  one  may point out that,
feeling “overloaded” or worthless” is irrational if one cannot do work that is beyond ones limits…rationally one can only do so much work.
more appropriately,
the feeling is valid, but thinking “should have been able to more work than my limits” is irrational and is therefore a thought error.

However, I believe that  writing or verbalizing emotional literacy statements such as
“I Feel_______because,    I think_______”
“I Feel_______ because,    I believe_________”

are important because,
I can become more aware of how I am:  intaking, interpreting ; assessing  formulating what is “fact” or believe….
affect and are affected by how I Feel.

The Present moment.

Feelings happen in the present moment, although our experience allow us to predict possible future feelings.

example:
Monday morning I am going to feel stressed.”
for the purposes of ones self therapy (journaling, speaking,etc.)using emotional literacy, it would be more accurate to say:
“I believe that I will be feeling stressed on Monday morning
or , more directly and present centered:
I am feeling apprehensive and dreadful (now) because, I believe Monday morning.…”.
the point is being aware of the present centered or (Here and Now) feeling.

If I am to understand assess describe my reality, I must understand and describe how I feel about my reality and how I feel in my reality.

So,
How Are You Feeling?

Emotional Vocabulary and Literacy. more grammar foibals

Emotional vocabulary: A  single word or short phrase that best describes how one feels in the here and now.

I feel Happy“, “I Feel tired“,  “I feel sad“….

Emotional literacy: Being able to clearly and confidently express ones emotions in words.

I took  classes for Rogerian  Active listening (for a volunteer service) and I discovered that my own Emotional Vocabulary and Literacy was very weak.
I felt surprised because, I thought my Emotional vocabulary was limited “.

In fact, A word exist to describe a personality trait for not being able to express feelings in words: ” Alexithymia

So I worked on my literacy.

Some examples of Emotional literacy:

  • I feel like  no one understands me  and they won’t be my friend.” common mistake and indirect
  • I feel Alienated.”  – correct and more direct.
  • I feel alienated…because I think no one understands me and won’t be my friend. – correct and descriptive about ones thoughts”

Another example:

  • I feel like I am able to get this project done quickly.” (no no.)
  • I feel confident“. ( better and direct.)
  • I feel confident because, I think I am able to do this project quickly” (well said).

Another example of  learning to speak with emotional literacy:
”  You make me happy when you visit.”  (very indirect)
I feel happy when you visit.” (directly stated feeling)
Can you see the difference?

I and my classmates wrote down as many “feeling words” as we could in our class, to see how emotionally literate we were.
I think its a great drill, and I have worked to expand my own emotional vocabulary.

The following are examples of some feeling words.

Defeated, lonely   cheated,  betrayed  greif-strucken, deflated,
helpless, lathargic, uncaring, used, heart broken,
Explosive, paranoid,  annoyed, simmering,
Suspicious afraid, fearful, confused, jealous, empty,
unfocused, crisp confident,dull, powerful, motivated, in control,
Happy, loved, brotherly, playful,joyful,exited,exuberent
frustrated, ambivalent,pulled apart stuck, frozen
Curious, investigative, driven

A very large list of feeling words is located at:

http://eqi.org/fw.htm

You can write your own list, to see how emotionally literate you are.

If you get stuck remember these four basic feeling words : Mad,Sad,Glad, Afraid and see if you can find more descriptive words to replace them.

I  feel excited because, I think that  you would do well!