The Self Autonomy Delusion

If there is nothing to us other than our known biology and physics,
other than our DNA code and reaction to circumstance,

then what willful freedom do we have? we could not even describe the universe as beautiful, miraculous, absurd, or meaningless.
we could not talk the creativity, spontaneity, self awareness or purpose..These adjectives and descriptions would be from mechanisms of the
“evolution” chain reaction… the mental formation of chemical DNA

Of course i realize that the people i see in the streets(for example) are phenomenons
I formulate in my mind these organize wholes of electromagnetic energy as people
and that they are, in my perception, a biology of the parents and family before them….
that the physics before them
around them
and within them
do determine, with my own hand me down code, biology and experience,much h of what they are in my mind.

But what is there that i cannot see
In the spaces between their mathematics
are they or we
more than a prescripted like algorithm?.
Was I predetermined to see people in the steet before I saw them?
and What am I?
if my consciousness are nothing other than the periodic table would I be nothing but a cold spark in a cold flame
The red storm of Jupiter… some Atheists such as Richard Dawkins and his disciples
say that that God and faith are a delusion….

But if there is nothing more to us than biology and physics

Then any freedom or individuality..
or any sense of you or i…
would also be a delusion.

This was an old blog entry from a quirky personal blog from 2007.
I wrote it because I was tired of all the personal blog talk of Richard Dawkins book “The God Delusion.”  (often misquoted by its fans and critics) …and wanted to provoke conversation with some of the more rigid Atheist Deterministic  bloggers who book and speaking of Rational Universe above all else and nothing else,….
and that our behaviors   have no freedom from what’s been determined  the biology and physics of our environment and dna collision.
Anything Else, including the the belief in God is a dellusion.
(I could address the other extreme: the more rigid fundamentalists of Theists but there is more middle ground between my point of view and deterministic Athiests. )


The Fact is that without deluding ourselves… or without making a leap of Faith without supported evidence: we couldn’t make it through our day.

I get out of bed each morning and walk to the bathroom to do my usual grooming… I don’t need to calculate the chance  that my elections and my and hall floor electrons are in a physical state that I fall through the floor and land in the TV room. Although the chance is minute… I just make the leap of faith that I will make it to the bathroom ok.

I can make assessments, whether by logic or by personal experience..The confidence to due so doesn’t need to proved materially every time I do so.

I, like most people today, have believed that World is round without actually proving it… or felt th need to prove it.

*The Notion that we are ,or can be, always Rational in our thinking is as Delusional as anything else.

We may define “meaning” in our lives, in  spirituality , Ethics,career, philanthropy, self interests, family, etc….
That drive us to do… even if we cant physically or mathematically define “meaning”.
All this is fine as long as we really Acknowledge we are deluding ourselves, and that delusions and strong beliefs are very much part of living.

My  Code   and Environment may colide and  dynamically sum who “I am”,
But I can can tell you that I have Some Self Autonomy in choosing who I am, even if it requires some dellusion.

I make choices   in a fluid state  between and including independence/dependence  with what is “me ” and not me”…
Freedom/Responsibility,  Meaningful/meaningless. positive/negative consequences .

Self, Free- will and  Choice may be dellusions… especially, if we presume they are not in fluxing interdependence  with environment (which environment is fluxing interdependent  with the rest of the universe, arbitrary to grand).

But, it  is by  my   Self Autonomy and Self Regulation (though they me Abstract descriptions) that I exist.
I: think, breath,  assess, do and choose and exist.

And it is by furthur developing Self Autonomy and Regulation, that I may gain more and more control in the interdependence of me and my environment:

  • Choices in freedom and responsibility
  • Awareness of Me and my environment
  • Assessing both with logic and experience
  • Deciding what is meaningful to meaningless in the above.

And if  developing greater relative ” Self Autonomy and Regulation”.. or” I”
are just another  dellusion or belief (with no proof existence)  than so I choose to believe.

It is Human to Believe, as it Choose and Assess and to Delude ourselves, after all. these “delusions” are ways we communicate what we are.


Happy memorial day

Monday is Memorial Day in the U.S.

The holiday was originally a dedicated to remembering those who died in combat or in times of War.

(left: Vietnam memorial ; center: world war II memorial; right: memorial cemetery at Gettysburg … photos from Wikipedia)

Today ,Memorial Day has been unofficially expanded to being a day for gatherings, picnics and barbecues . Some will visit  cemeteries to remember passed loved ones and family members who veterans of war
For many it is Holiday to reflect on the brave acts veterans.

I, with family, will remember my Grandmother and  Grandfather both who served in World War II and my Great Uncle who’s life was taken by a grenade. Many others, as well.

“Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is  My Land” … a favorite song of some veterans who’ve passed in my family, and who  I’ll be remembering today .
(video posted at youtube by alargedog)

Happy Memorial day!

The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.

(Fritz Perls, 1969)

This is the “Gestalt Prayer” stated by Fritz Perls and it is often argued as statement of independence in  a persons social life.

We humans are  all actively, changing organized phenomenons… or “gestalts“.
We, individually are in a fluid state of both independence and interdependence with our  physical surroundings and people in our lives.
Thus the Gestalt prayer is  philosophical statement of self- autonomy in ones personal relationships.

I have my own needs  and goals to  live up to… and not the expectations imposed on me by others, or the expectations I think others have of me.
Just the same, other people  do not live their lives to meet my expectations.

I have never cared for the “Gestalt Prayer” as a philosophy. We are in fact expected to meet commitments we make. We make commitments to take care of children or family members. Our Governments have expectations of us that we must meet.  So this “prayer” is  a bit misleading or a bit to rigid.

However,  our own self expectations and living to our own needs are most important.

So its good to say the Gestalt prayer out loud , every so often….Just to remind of us of our self autonomy.

Waiting for the sun

Waiting for the sun to rise
on a brand new day
The dusk that closed the day before
Seemed so far away.

I found myself at a point where i can see a bright future, where I can pick up and move forward.  Further my education and move on. I always have hope of “now”. But for once I was looking forward. The hope of being an impact.

Every morning opens with
With hopeful new day shine
But the Darkness of the day before
is never far behind.

Then I remembered. I been at this point before. I’ve done this before. At the cusp of moving forward with my life… I fell down. repeatedly. And I am haunted mistakes that will never go away. i can’t change the past.

The new day would be blinded by
The hope of rays that are cast
life is shaped with out lines
with dark colors of our past

But I’m realizing that repeating past mistakes only comes…
with not recognizing past mistakes.
Wisdom come  “with falling down” in our past. The past does not have to be an obstacle. Successes and failures that we perceive make us who we are. Our experiences let us handle our decisions. They shouldn’t hamper our decision making.
I am going to Start taking more classes again. And set the goal of obtaining a bachelors degree in the Future.
This post will be my reminder.

Driving the Tao

The plan for the day was to take my aging parents up to a “butterfly Sanctuary”.
It was my fathers idea. This Sanctuary where thousands of of Butterflies visit, was located near a State Game land Preserve here in Pennsylvania. Take in the Nature and snap some pictures 45 minutes from where i picked my parents up in my car.
As usual ,we never got the directions to destination correct, even though we were pretty familiar with the Roads. We never could find the place… and potential argument was brewing between me and my father. It just seem so important, to my father, to get to  this destination, …fumbling through directions…Just to get to a now lost end point.

I began to get impatient with our ,seemingly desperate, attempt to this Butterfly field, as i noted the irony that we were driving through the hills with tall thick trees and forest. So i deliberately turned the car down a road to get lost. I told my parents we just arent going to get there, so enjoy the nature that is around us.

the Tension in the car broke as we drove through the hills, my mother Watched the Hawks hunt from her car window. the smell of the Pennsylvania Pines came through the car vents.

We drove up near a pond, and i spontaneously decided to stop the car and take some pictures as well as stretch our legs.

When we met the pond we saw butterflies everywhere. We did not come here to find them. and the butterflies did not come here to meet us. They were just being Butterflies.
The pond was just a pond. We were just being spontaneous.

Nature is all around us. By simple  random luck of spontaneity, we found   what we thought we were searching for that afternoon…. After giving up on seeking out so desperately. Its the Nature of Nature.

I have learned over the years, that If I search to hard for something I think is so grand elsewhere, I miss the magic of  what all around my senses. I still live by my spontaneity. It feed my sense of wonder.

laughing zen

laucging Buddha

laughing Buddha

Your in a crowded room. Many people you don’t know. maybe a board meeting. maybe an auditorium. People are chattering between them. Maybe their is a little anxiety.
Different types of people, different type of clothing. You check your own clothing to make sure you look good. Maybe your a bit nervous about being around new people. Check your watch…Think about what you must do after this event is over.

Just then something funny happens. Maybe its a speaker in the room… maybe he has just told a hilarious joke. Who knows! but the whole room is laughing, now. other people are telling funny jokes to people they may not know.

Everybody in the room is lost in contagious laughter and nobody seems to care about the time, who is in the room with. Social anxiety are left behind, worries… Just for a couple minutes. everyone seems bound to together on the same thread.
This is called a momentary zen.
A spontaneous period where are personal anxieties subside. we are in tune with the oneness of the emotion… in this case laughter. Despite the energy of the laughter their is a peacefulness. Everyone seems bound together .
despite the the social devisions and worries we create in our minds, those momentary zens seem to take us over. as if it is deep within us.
the Laughing Buddha Image in this post is from

Just for kicks I give you this youtube video, posted by:  TamburiiniMato

may the laughter be contagious :)


Happy Two thirty two, to the red, white and Blue.

All would live long, but none would be old.”-Ben Franklin. Happy  Birthday America!
Fire crackers are bursting in all directions in my neighborhood.